Men and Therapy
It can be difficult for men to come for therapy. Why is this?
One reason seems to be that for a man to seek help he first has to conclude that he is failing at something, and we don’t like thinking we have failed do we!
How do I fix a leaking tap?
But it’s more subtle than that. Men typically have no problem seeking help in the realm of capabilities: What’s the best way to stop a tap leaking, how do I pair my phone with the hands-free kit, how do I know if my tyres are going to pass the MOT? This is all about competency and effectiveness (after all, we know best way to load a dishwasher don’t we).
Big boys don’t cry
When it comes to feelings, confusion, doubts and fears, the very last thing we want to do is let anyone else know about it. We’ve all been given the line “come on, chin up, push on, big boys don’t cry” (unless you’re Gazza, and how come he seemed to get away with it)?
The confusing times we live in
Times are changing and some men are feeling a bit lost. Many of the old certainties have dissolved and our place in the order of things is less clear. Part of us knows that that the deck has been stacked in our favour for too long. We understand that supporting equality and diversity offers a win-win outcome. We also know who gets first place in the lifeboats when the ship is going down. This can be very confusing. We want to do the right thing, but what is the right thing?
Often we are addicted to results and we worship the beauty in efficiency, which is great and yet sometimes it doesn’t serve us.
It can be a puzzle. We so easily confuse weakness with vulnerability (they are quite different). Sometimes we conclude that it’s better not to look, just in case we find things we didn’t want to know, but as the old saying goes – “Everywhere I go, there I am!”
So how can talking help?
Psychotherapy is confidential and non judgemental. A safe space to explore the issues that seem too risky to share with friends.
And the interesting thing is, search isn’t for results, the search is for you.